I talked to my best friend today. I know that usually might not sound like a big deal, but my best friend is a Peace Corps member and currently the hottest English teacher in the Ukraine. We met our freshman year of college. She was a Bob Marley listening, Aretha Franklin sounding, urban hippie from Chicago. And she was intoxicating to me. I of course was a small town redneck in a 4 inch wide belt buckle and Ariat boots. My “Good Jacket” was a carhartt.
We we’re opposite in everyway. She was cool. She smoked hookah. She drank alcohol from Mini bottles and sang the most beautifully of any voice I have ever heard. I used to sit outside her door our freshman year and listened to her when she cleaned her dorm room to Karaoke tracks.
I of course was obnoxious. I was loud and proud. When I started college I went from my small town home in Tennessee to “Collegetown USA.” There were 35,000 college kids in one town and I was determined to be myself…. My overly exaggerated oober-gay self. I was actually known on campus for turning straight girls. They called me “The Metric System” because I convert.
My best friend was the “Ultimate Straight Girl” for me. I was in love with her. We stayed best friends all four years of college. (She’s actually in the wallpaper of my twitter background.) That was about how long I spent hitting on her... every day. Now it’s usually just once every week or two. I still love her. I even drove to Chicago one summer to see her. We both grew up, and I’ll give credit to her. Her passion, and innate greatness was a huge inspiration to me as I got older. The summer after our Junior years we had to do our College Internships. She ran off to Atlanta to work for CNN and I headed out to LA to become the assistant for a nonprofit LGBTQ company in L.A. She graduated that next December and I had been much to caught up in my own life since I’d been back. We hardly saw each other that semester, and now I regret that more than anything.
She is flying in from the Ukraine to see me! We haven’t seen each other since last February, and in July we will be reunited for a total of 4-6 days. Pre-planned events include a 6 restaurant tour, an either great or terrible decision to get matching tattoo’s (I have 6 and she has more) and a case of beer for her brother who determines if I can keep her that last two days. (I’ll even go imported. This post is supposed to be worldly right?)
I can’t wait. I’ll be in my own place by then. My best friends here in Columbia are the greatest. They’ve been letting me couch crash for 2 months. 5 people in one apartment, plus who they’re dating and pets. Needless to say I am very grateful, but I’m sure we’ll all be happy when I relocate.
It’s funny. We talked today about how since she has been overseas, she’s decided she wants to go to Med school. (I told you. This girl is incredible, and never ceases to amaze me.) We joked that we could share an apartment in Nashville. She wants to attend Vanderbilt. The thing is it may not be a joke. I’m so uncertain about my life right now. Who am I? Where am I going? Thus far I’ve been a wanderer. School in Missouri, summer in Maine, Executive in Los Angeles, passing through Mississippi, back to Columbia and still moving. My life in Columbia is temporary as of now. I wonder when I look across the Map where I’ll be next. The truth is I have no idea. Should I try my hand at LA again? Or maybe Nashville. It would be nice to be near my mom. Especially with the changes back home. I’ve not done New York yet and always thought Atlanta was an option. Maybe something bigger? Maybe I’ll venture to a foreign country for the first time.
I wish there was a logical equation that I could just plug the values of my life into and it produce the best answer. Like 23 year old graduate+ film major+ medium to large city+ job required= Casey’s Life Plan. I think my biggest problem is I don’t really know my options. I guess I keep sitting back waiting for an answer, but it’s not going to just come. I’ve always considered myself a fairly lucky person, but the truth is so far I’ve played a large part in making my own luck. I’ve just got to get back to it. Instead of relying on my best friend to inspire me, I’ll just have to find that fire within myself.
What do I like? And how am I connected?
Animals- I have a friend who knows someone at Animal Planet.
Music- My school has a connection to MTV
Decorating and Design- HGTV. A Stephens Alum works there. (Located in Tennessee)
Atlanta- I know someone who used to work at Tyler Perry Studios. I had a meeting on the studio lot last May, but lost that connection. It would take a little work and digging.
Being a College Admissions Ambassador- I’ve really learned to like this new job, but since my spot at Stephens is temporary, I don’t know if I could ever be this passionate doing my job somewhere else. I think the only reason I like it this much is because it’s Stephens. I was a part of that.
British Accents- If you know me, you know I would love to meet a girl like Adele. Mmmm. (Now to find that job that’s required.)
Sales- I hear there is a really nice Real Estate Company in Dallas that sales A-list apartments with my name on it.
L.A- I’ve already got a job offer from BET but it was for July and I can’t leave that soon.
Basically I have NO DAMN CLUE. All I know is that life is too short to just spend every day in boring repetition doing something you hate watching the days pass by, but without making a significant contribution to the history of our world. I’m not saying you have to be a Martin Luther King, a Whitney Houston or Steve Jobs. I’m just saying that even if you just touch those around you, you’re being productive right? I want each person who meets me to feel like the five minutes they spent in my presence was a contribution to their lives and mine. I want to make a difference. I want to live.
I think what I’m going to do, is a month or two before the end of my job I’ll put my name into as many pots as possible, stir it and see who pulls my name out. Someone somewhere wants me. I’m certain of that. Everything in life happens for a reason and exactly the way it should. You'll hear me say it more than once because I believe it. I’m lucky in the sense that my entire life I’ve had this deep seeded confidence in myself… Maybe it’s because so many people had so little expectations of me that I never felt pressured. I could shoot for the moon because no one would be disappointed if I let them down. I could always go further than they expected. I believe in fate. We are provided with options, and based on our decisions, life ticks along as intended. Sometimes wrinkles and wrencehes are thrown in to make sure were paying attention. I think that they're there so we get practice facing difficulty, for those really tough times in life.
Basically what i'm getting to, is we are all capable of greatness. Never limit yourself. I'm just 1 in a billion of us who have many days left to live....
How will you live yours?
I'm Tennessee <3