Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Dinner Time

My fingers crawl towards the keys.
I don’t know what to do with them anymore.
Space, back, back, Type, space.

I’m holding on to this 3rd glass of wine, and trying to count the “tequilas” before.
Because life is upside down right now.
It’s crazy.
I mean, find yourself chasing down your “new friend’s” keys, on a Sunday night in Topeka, crazy.

Seven weeks ago I had a girlfriend, and a dog, and a second home.
I had another life.
I wasn’t sure that I fit the mold, but at least it was consistent.
See, I was East, and she was West, in that opposites attract sort of way.
But, together we were a hurricane.

And I drug myself though the ringer “trying to figure it all out.”
But truth be told, I wasn’t ready.
I didn’t know how to love her, seeing as how I could barely love myself.
And she didn’t know how to love me either… Since she’d loved nothing at all. 

I remember the first day of my “woman hood”. I stood there. In line at the grocery store.
I felt more confident that night, about my selection of vegetables.
I could sauté, broil, and bake.
But I couldn’t love. Not there. Not in the South.
It was too much.

I wanted to close my eyes, and tuck away all the feelings. I wanted someone to approach me with a hug, and apologize.