Friday, May 15, 2015

This Morning

This morning I slept five minutes late, because a dream of you wouldn’t let me open my eyes. I stumbled to the shower, and turned the water all the way to cold, knowing that you would hate it if you were here. My body goes through the motions, but today is not like the days before. Today is 

the day of letting go.  A hummingbird meets me at my window. He dances wildly around a banana tree, tempting the street cat perched on the fence beneath him. Unaffected, he darts from bushel to bushel, taking in the sweet nectar before the blooming fruit consumes it. In different ways, they both 

remind me of you.The song playing reminds me of you. I change it. The next one reminds me of you as well. I accept that will probably be the case for a very long time, but it doesn’t mean that I will stop listening to music, that I will change my daily routine because you are no longer a part of it. 

Instead, I will find new things to associate with my feelings. Even with the world at my fingertips, my hands feel vacant without yours, so I fill them with keys, a wallet, a cell phone, anything to replace the empty feeling. In the car I find myself traveling at speeds of five miles per hour. 

Los Angeles cannot drive in the rain. In the distance I can hear the thunder traveling in the opposite direction. Everyone leaves eventually. I am not angry with you – I am confused. You are not the person I thought you were. I allowed you to take my love for granted, but that ends today. 

This morning I promised to never love someone who doesn’t truly love me in return. 

Thursday, May 14, 2015

What I Heard In Silence

My fingertips are donned with battle wounds, paper cuts and scars,
from writing draft after draft of love notes you’ll never read.
Yours are pointed in contempt; I am not the person you hoped

I would be for you by now. The punching bag you expected
turned out to be a blanket that you have no interest in being
wrapped up in despite how cold your heart has grown.

The usually steady buzz of my cell phone against hardwood
has ceased, and in its place I hear only the dripping of the faucet.
I meant to fix it weeks ago, but haven’t noticed it in a while.

The memory of you echoes in my mind, how I laid out on that grassy bank
beside you, my fingers traveling like fearless soldiers across the dirt, conquering
each blade to rescue yours. You told me that you didn’t need saving.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Ode to Pixie

Her step leaves glowing footprints on blades of grass
There’s glitter in her hair.
I’ve got scraped knees and a mending heart,
But I can bare it when she’s near. 

She said "They can't get to the both of us.
There's too much happening in the universe. 
I'll distract them while you run around the sun,
If you promise you’ll love me first.

I wrap her in a veil of time and patience
She learns to love the way that it feels.
There are depths in which I haven’t been
That reside within her still.

The clock will stand at ease ‘til Fall,
When she first breathes Pacific winds.
I’ll loop a dream around her heart
Soon life will begin again. 

Tuesday, May 5, 2015


I miss the way your hand feels in mine. It’s the closest I’ve ever been to holding you, and in my mind – Fingers are arms, pinkies and thumbs are legs, and I do my best to wrap them completely around 

yours. We haven’t said it yet. We’ve hinted, and I can feel it, but that word still weighs so heavy on my tongue from the last time that it was used. I do my best to separate you from my past, but all 

hearts feel the same at their breaking point. It has taken me only weeks to do with you the things that I couldn’t accomplish in years with anyone else. When I hear your laughter, I remember that 

patience really is a virtue. At nineteen, you spun my heart into a frenzy. The once steady beat, skipped and danced through my chest whenever you were near.  In the darkness, I sat next to you. 

Your eyes, nearly as heavy as your heart. It is difficult to keep yourself afloat when everyone else tells you that you’re drowning. I wanted to reach inside and pull out every bad thing anyone had ever 

said to you. Redefine every word until you were full of compliments and promises that would never be broken. It isn’t difficult fall for a woman like you. That feeling is measured in moments, not days. 

With you, forever is not more than a smile or kiss away.