Not Meaning To

There’s something about falling when you don’t mean to.

It feels faster.

One minute you’re upright, walking with your chest puffed out,

And the next you’re suspended mid-air with no chance of recovery.

Gravity fails for no one.

And when you fall without meaning to, it’s different.

There’s no chance to catch your breath.

No time to overthink things.

When you fall, your heart skips a beat.

Or two… hundred.

It’s more than a plan.

It’s deeper than familiarity.

It is having the wind knocked out of you after you’ve already exhaled,  

Falling is surviving a hurricane, and then going for a swim.

It’s finally understanding why you never understood in the first place.

And she makes it easy, this girl who surprised you.

The one who “loved you without meaning to” back.

You forget that you’re even doing it.

Pulling your fingertips down the curve of her cheek.

As she touches you with her eyes. You can feel it.

It’s harder to leave her today than the day before.

Yesterday felt the same,

And the only place you want to be is in her arms.

If that place ever ceased to exist, you might implode.

Or at least it feels that way right now.

But that’s the thing isn’t it?

It is until it isn’t?

Things are until they aren’t. We do until we don’t.

That’s all that life has ever been for anyone.

Some people just figure it out sooner than others.

You can love her now, and for now she will let you.

So take your chance, and if you forget to think about it long enough...

Then maybe she will too.

And neither of you will overthink the thing

That never should have been thought about in the first place.

This all-consuming feeling is an old friend of yours,

But you parted ways on poor terms long ago.

This time it’s about balance and dignity.

Wellness and happiness.

Not that weak bile you spewed as a teenager.

Because anyone can touch a woman,

But it takes a woman to make her feel the touch.

Back then you were just a kid making big offers

That you could never cash the check for.

That’s how you learned to pay the price.

No one ever hurt you. You were just angry.

You had done it all on your own, so you pounded your fists against your chest

And screamed out into the darkness about how you wanted to feel something.

But time speeds up for no one.

And you weren’t ready yet.

So don’t push her buttons just because you know where they are.

Because things are good here.

The fights are clean.

She communicates and tries.

This woman is letting herself love you.

Open the cavities of your heart inside out until they are mountainous,

And spill out your hopes and dreams.

She will help you pick them up off the ground,

Because that’s what happens when you accidentally love someone.

You accidentally care.

So take it for what it’s worth, and cherish it while you can.

Because some people try their whole lives

To feel the way you do right now.

It’s hard to believe you fell in love,

Not meaning to.