Finding Myself

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the phrase “I need to find myself.” I’m guilty, as I’ve said it before too. This morning however, I have wondered… does this phrase mean what we all think it does?

I believe it to be overused. The truth is, that nine times out of ten… People are saying it to describe the feeling of unfamiliarity inside themselves. My theory is that you’re not lost… Simply growing. Not all growth is necessarily good for our health or well being. In that instance, I would call it more of a change. I think that in that scenario, what people are looking for is that part of themselves that they enjoyed prior to that change.

Still, it isn’t lost. You didn’t drop it anywhere. It didn’t fall out of your bag. You never misplaced it. No, this change came gradually and you let it take place. With that being said, there is no need to search for it. It hasn’t gone anywhere.

This trait is still a part of you. It’s just waiting for you to tap into it. Maybe you’re angry all the time, and you want to be happy again. You used to be an incredibly happy person. You didn’t lose that happiness. You don’t need to find it. You simply need to BE happy.

A friend of mine complained to me that she felt like she used to be more fun. She was more social in the past and hadn’t gone out with her friends in ages. Now I knew her during her “more fun years” and she thought that being around each other would bring the fun out of her again. I pride myself on being a pretty “fun” person, but the truth is she doesn’t need me to “find” her fun side. She just needs to DO more fun things.

The problem with “searching” for yourself is that if that is the only action you are taking, you’re wasting your time. Where exactly does one go about finding themselves? Is there a governmental facility similar to the post office or the DMV where you can check your box to see if you have arrived? Maybe you go there to order that lost trait, and within 7-10 business days there you are… A brand new you.

However, I doubt that is the case. My suggestion would be to change your plan of action. Instead of mourning the loss of something you didn’t lose, and wondering whether or not it will ever be found, recreate it. It’s still tangible. It’s still accessible. The great thing about our personality is that it’s ours and we can do with it as we please. It’s up to you not to destroy it.

Now if the part of you that you’ve been searching for is the more creative side. Maybe you’re a painter and have lost the stroke of genius your brush contained once before… think about why things might have changed. If you used to spend two hours a day in class with a paintbrush in your hand, and now you just walk sulkingly by a canvas wondering why you can’t create anymore… then there is your problem. Be proactive! Practice. Force the results that you want until you no longer have to in order to get them.

Think back to high school or college. You never aced a test you didn’t prepare for (unless you’re some incredible genius who frankly doesn’t even need to read this blog) so why wouldn’t you prepare for life?

I’m the go to girl out of my friends. If anyone needs advice, then they “come to pick my brain”. I used to charge a six-pack, or bottle of bourbon, but as I’ve gotten older (and my liver weaker) I now request that we sit down face to face. I enjoy these people… my friends. I like helping them.

The conversations range over everything from dating and work advice, to sex tips and baby problems. (I’m less of a pro at the whole baby thing, FYI.) I enjoy thinking about problems strategically. I like figuring out if there is a solution. Half the battle is realizing when there isn’t. Of course it is a last resort, but even for me that is a struggle.

I’m interested to know what you’re going throughIf you just want to run it by someone, my email is tennmartin@gmail.com. I would be happy to hear from you. 

Remember me,

Tennessee