Saturday, July 14, 2012

I Will

The sun rises slowly, peeking through the blinds.
I take a breath, uncertain of my surroundings.
I am safe. I am home.
Home is where the heart is and my heart is on my sleeve.
Home is wherever I rest my head.
Born beneath a wandering star, I stay until I’m gone.
I long to try, but try too long and then it’s over.
I wash my face, rinsing the night from my eyes.
Cleansing away the nightmares that linger.
The tears that are dried to my cheeks.
I stare into the mirror.
I see who I’ve been. I see who I am. I see who I’ll become.

I start the coffee.
It drips into the pot like experiences in my life.
One by one.
Filling me up. At maximum capacity I’ll pour them out.
Only to enjoy them for the moment and start over. Fresh.
I take a breath.
Happy to be alive inside.
Happy to be free.
Happy to be.
My heart still aches.
Something is still missing.
I fear that I’ll never find it.
Then I remind myself how silly that is.
You don’t find your purpose.
You create it.
I’m a very creative person.
All I need is to decide.
Whatever I want, it lies at the tips of my fingers.
It’s been so long since I’ve felt this.
So long since I’ve felt.
It’s been so long.
But here I am.

Here I am. A product of my own faith.
Absolutely certain that I will be whatever I’m supposed to be.
Whatever I want to be.
Wherever I want to be.
I have only a few stipulations.
I will be honest.
I will be kind.
I will be happy.
I will be me.
There are no exceptions.
I will settle for nothing less.
Nothing less than what I deserve.
I would expect nothing less than that from those who I love.
If loving me does not fall under those categories, I would expect we would not love.
Another day in which I go out and live fully.
Filling this life with fantastical hopes, dreams, memories and miracles.
I expect they’ll all come true.
And when I lay down tonight, I will dream a sweet dream.
A sweet dream of today.
Because in my days, I find bliss.
Only the night is dark.
Regardless… I’ll shine.

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