Sunday, October 28, 2012

Out on the Ocean

I’m making progress.

I’ve settled in. I’m stabilizing myself. I’m putting more effort into writing. I’m meeting new people. Everything is new. Every day is different. The change is taking place all around me…

I am not scared. I had to think long and hard about it. I’m so used to being terrified, and unsure about everything. Understanding nothing. This time I’m not. I’m at peace with the uncertainty. 
Sometimes, I find myself walking down Sunset boulevard, staring up at the buildings and palm trees, and it hits me. I live in L.A. It never gets old. As I sit in traffic, or pass certain clubs, stores, or landmarks, I’m reminded of the fact that I am not leaving. It’s not a vacation. I don’t have a plane ticket home. This is home now.

And here in my home, I have decided to live. This morning I met up with some of my officemates at a place called Toast for Sunday brunch. Afterwards we all headed down to the beach in Santa Monica. It’s the first time I’ve had a whole day off in a few weeks.  We wandered around between shops. Had a drink (just because) Watched a street performer (who told more racially degrading jokes than anything). He wasn’t my cup of tea.

At 7:30 at night on a Sunday evening you would think thatI would start winding down, I’m getting ready to head up to the Griffith Observatory to see a full moon through the telescopes. Even if I have to go alone (I hope I won’t) I’m excited to go. I’m excited for the opportunities. They’re endless here. Life is incredible. Truly.

There’s nothing special about today. It’s not a holiday. It’s just another day of the week. Just part of what life here has become. I love it.

What I’m worried about however, and I think it’s a good fear to have… I have become so vocal, and am living so out loud, that I don’t spend as much time working on the written part of me. Sometimes I think I need to record my life, just so I can play it back later.

I wouldn’t change a thing. I really wouldn’t. I know I need to be writing more, but I can’t help but think that for a while I’ve missed so much, because I have worried more about the words than living the story. The blog isn’t going anywhere. Maybe more in depth. A few changes are taking place in my life right now that I don’t want to talk about yet, for fear of jinxing them… But I’m excited. I love waking up. I love the little moments. Each one is significant. Each one propels me forward.

My heart is expanding. I’m learning compassion, and confidence. Dedication and creativity. I’m feeling things that I have never felt before, because my soul is a vessel. I’ve turned it out across the waves.

Will you let your ship sail? Will you venture off into the dark unknown, come hell or high water? If so, I’ll meet you on the dock. We will take this journey together.

Also I would like to thank everyone. My blog has broken 10,000 views as of today. Pretty cool if you ask me. See you soon. I doubt I can wait until Sunday. 

- Tennessee 

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