Thursday, August 30, 2012

In Anothers Eyes

When my Best-Friend mentioned that she wanted to do a guest post on The Graduates Guide, I was ecstatic. She is the one that I turn to for everything. If I'm unsure about a decision, need someone to guide me or just someone to call me on my bullshit, I turn to her.

She's the kind of deep thinker that when she speaks, you listen.

She doesn't really need an introduction. Her thoughts speak for themselves. Enjoy:


'Ok…hmmm…cant really say I know where to begin because I have never written a blog TN if ya wanna edit this beginning go for it lil homie.

Where to begin, ya know maybe it is because I don’t trust very many people, hell maybe its because I never want to let anyone in, so I figure if I can shape the direction the conversations I have with people it will keep them from trying to figure me out, maybe it is as simple as me just genuinely caring about people. Whatever the reason is I love to ask questions, I ask questions about everything, how it works why it works where you come from why you choose the shoes you were wearing. My friends will tell ya I ask about everything and on occasion have to be told to stop cuz I am being annoying. When I was in high school we were pushed to ask questions, I attended a engineering magnet where it was our “job” to make things break things and find different ways to make things work again. In college I was a legal studies pre law major where again it was our “job” to make arguments. Now I am a bartender and love what I do, along with slingin drinks I get to meet and talk to different people everyday and let me tell you there are some interesting people out there.

Where am I going with this? A challenge you could say, a challenge to you, the reader. To step out of your comfort zone and learn something new about your fellow person. I always try to make it a point to learn and get to know the people I work with, ask questions, actually listen not just hear what they have to say. I feel like with the way technology has evolved people are so absorbed with their phones and facebook and twitter and pintrest that people are not taking advantage with what is right there in front of them. They don’t listen. And in a way it is sad to me because you could have such a big impact on someones life and miss out on it because you were distracted. Some people at work say that Im tricky because I “don’t miss a beat” and “know everything” that is goin on. Its not that I just listen and care, that simple, I make the people at work feel like it is all about them when I talk to them. And so later when they are having a bad day or are stressed I know how to help them out, maybe that’s a question about the golf tournament they are looking forward to or their birthday that’s in a week. Something to make them feel like they are not alone, even if it is for a moment. Cuz lets be honest it is nice not to feel alone and like someone cares about you, instead of being ignored and walked passed.

Through work I was able to meet a very amazing man and had the chance to have him in my life for the past 3 years, and through questions I was able to learn the amazing life stories he had to share and at the end being able to give my respects and know he was tired of fighting organ failure and was not going to be with us for much longer. His name was Tom, a regular that I saw 5 days a week. He was a stockbroker that worked just down the street and to the common person was.. well..a grump.. haha he would give the waitresses hell about being like “an old rug that curls up at the ends that no one wants” and was quick as a whip with his smart ass comments. But if you took the time to get to know him you would find he was much much more then that. Tom and I became “friends” when he walked in one day and I said “good morning sir how are ya?” his response “well it was great and then I had to wake up” so I naturally came back with “well you eventually have to go back to bed so at least you have something to look forward to” he looked at me laughed and we were friends ever since. By paying attention I got to see how even though he didn’t know the children in the restaurant he would melt at the site of kids. He would show me pictures and stories about his grand kids, and I had the pleasure of meeting his grandchild Alice who he would joke about being his girlfriend because she was better looking then his wife. Alice coming from the intelligent gene pool of Tom recited the pledge of allegiance to me in Latin and she is in kindergarten. Haha put my kinder days to shame. Somethin him and I would always talk about was movies and it was awesome because he would talk to me about how he was in the military during the time of the movie and how they did a great job with recreating that time, or how they did a poor job. We also chatted about the news and he would enlighten me on why things were the way they are and how when he was a boy they were different. Toward the end of Toms fight instead of asking stupid things like what do you want to eat it, changed to why he was cold in the middle of summer and what did the doctors say. Needless to say things quickly turned for the worst and I found myself searching all 4 hospitals trying to find him and found that he had a disease that the doctors were baffled by. So naturally they would send students to his room since it was a teaching hospital to ask about his symptoms and if they knew Tom they would know 2 very important things. 1 he does not like to repeat himself 2 when he is done talking he is done talking, don’t continue to bombard him with questions because he will just close you out and stop talking, if he had the chance Im sure he would have done what I saw him do everyday when he was done meeting with the other regulars, put his hat on put his hands behind his back say “k bye” and walk out. When I found out he stopped dialysis I knew I had to see him so I called and asked around everyone I could till I found him. I walked in to his room and because of what I had asked and listened to the answers I immediately broke into tears. It was dark, his wife who he loved dearly was not there, he didn’t have pictures up of any of his grandchildren or family and the t.v. was not on CNN. With a heavy heart I said hello and grabbed his hand and he said with a whisper “thank you so much for coming” I asked how he was doing and he said he was tired, I asked if I could bring him some pie (because he loved pie) and he said he wasn’t eating anymore. He was starting to dose off again and I couldn’t hold myself together anymore so I hugged him said I loved him and Ill see him later. That was the last time I saw Tom alive, he died a few days later.

So again I challenge you, go out, learn something, ask a few questions take a chance and listen to someone. Doing that has brought such an array of interesting different people in my life that I can say I have been blessed to know and learn from. Give someone a chance to impact you and change your life and your outlook on things. Maybe your Tom is just a stranger away and you will never know until you ask."

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