Who is Flipping Miami?

The last time I can remember thinking “she’s perfect” about a woman, was when I was four years old, and watching “The Little Mermaid”. She had long gorgeous hair, a disregard for the norm, and a dream. Unfortunately, she was a cartoon. For nineteen years I have waited to find the real life version of Ariel. Yesterday, I found a woman who is even better. 

Her name is Carolina Balsamo, and she is the strikingly attractive contractor for the new reality show “Flipping Miami”. So attractive in fact, they’re calling her “Sofia Vergara with a tool belt.” I don’t know your opinion, but Sofia was already pretty enticing to me. When I found that there was a stronger version of her in reality tv, with power tools, I began counting down the days until the show’s debut.

On October 20^th, A&E will premiere “Flipping Miami”. This show features Caro, and her husband/ business partner Chris, as they face the heat, natural disasters, and strange personalities of Miami, while trying to make a profit buying and renovating homes.

Reality television has yet to have a strong, female, LATIN lead. That’s right. This Colombian native speaks Spanish, and grew up romping in the great outdoors of South America. Did I mention she is a huge WNBA Fan? Now do you understand why I love this woman?

I got a chance to interview Caro, and I have to admit, I like her even more now. Today on The Graduates Guide I’ll share with you what drives the woman who drives the nails.

Tennessee:  You’re a New York Liberty fan? Why did you relocate from New York to Miami?

Caro: I love seeing those girls in action; I have such a tremendous respect for female athletes. I used to sit court side watching Janel McCarville and Mitchell playing! Good times. We moved to Miami because my husband and I had saved some money to invest. We decided to buy one house as an investment in South Florida since the housing market was at its lows. Throughout the process of buying, renovating and selling (or renting) we realized that the returns in this business are unreal. We decided to pool as much money as possible to start a new career flipping homes. In this market cash is king.

TN:  Have you always wanted to renovate homes?

Caro:  Not really. I went to school for nutrition and food science. I've been working as a nutritionist since I graduated. I have experience working with obese & malnourished children, HIV positive people, families and elderly people. My last job in NYC I worked in nutrition prevention and education in a campaign in the Bronx focused on Latino and Black populations. 

TN:  Wow. You have a pretty impressive background there. How did you realize that you were also passionate about renovation?

Caro:  I grew up in a very hands-on environment since there are no boys in my family. My father raised me as 'his' boy, always in the woods, fishing, hunting, and very handy! When Chris and I started renovating homes, the Tom-boy inside of me came out. It's not been a difficult task to accomplish. I love being active and since I do a lot of lifting, smashing, and assembling, this profession keeps me in good shape! It’s way better than going to the gym. :)

TN:  You could always have ran alongside the Liberty Team! If you could pick any other career what would it be?

Caro:  Nutrition! Once I fully reach financial stability, my calling in life is to help people, work on nutrition education and behavior campaigns and work with other countries on education regarding food availability. I'd love to help underprivileged children get good food and a healthy water supply. For example; I got married in Zambia, Africa and the drinkable water situation is still a big issue there. I can see myself working/volunteering in a small village helping others accomplishing a healthy life!

TN:  That is really incredible. You have such a big heart. What is it like to be the only woman in a male dominated world?

Caro:  It feels like I'm the bad cop all the time. I have to show my strongest face at all times, otherwise men (specially Latino) will run me over. On the other hand, my husband plays the good cop roll. We are a good team!

TN:  Is your husband intimidated by your dominance, or is he supportive?

Caro:  He is definitely supportive by my dominance on others but 100% intimidated by dominance towards him. Haha!

TN:  Do you run into a lot of stereotypes since you work in such a male dominated field?

Caro:  YES! All the time. Recently when we were shooting a scene at Home Depot while buying materials, a guy approached me to ask me if I was an actor, after I told him I'm a contractor he kept saying 'no way, you are an actor'. It was so frustrating. The same happens with my friends in NYC; they can't believe what I do since in NY I dress to impress and in Florida I dress for work! The only place I take advantage of the 'stereotype' is at Lowe’s or Home Depot. Every time I can't find something, I yell for help and all the guys come right away, ha!

TN:  Well, the word actor is in the word contractor. At least he was close! I noticed you've taken up tweeting recently. How is that going? 

Caro:  It took some getting used to but I'm having a blast. We're doing a new house right now so I'm sending lots of updates and tweeting LOTS of pictures. My only problem is 140 characters isn't enough! I have so much more to say.

TN:   I think it's really important that we get to communicate with strong female rolemodels such as yourself. What advice would you give to other women who are in your position, or want to follow their dreams into male dominated industries? 

Caro:  It's all about self-confidence and determination! Don't let anybody intimidate you and always follow your goals. If you want to make money, forget about what people would say or think. Just do it and get dirty if you have to. I promise, it will be rewarding.

TN: As a woman, what do you think is the most important thing to remember?

Caro:  Be independent! Whatever you do, plan it. It's really nice to have someone else's support but never count on it. Looking back in the past and seeing all you have built and accomplished by yourself is a priceless feeling.

TN:  What is the best advice you can give to women who are younger than you?

Caro:  What ever you do, always perform 110%! No matter if it's a small or big job, paid or volunteering, always give your best! Once I asked one of my employees what was his performance was like while working and he told me he puts 80% of his effort in since he is an employee, but if he had his own company, he would perform 120%. I never hired him again. When you do things right, 1,000 doors will open for you!

Caro openly admits that although she likes being independent, she is very grateful for the support of her husband Chris. You can watch both of them on A&E this Saturday, October 20^th. Don't forget to tweet with Caro and Chris at @CaroFlipMiami and @ChrisFlipMiami during the show. You can also check them out on Facebook. 

www.facebook.com/flippingmiami

Grab a bag of popcorn, throw on a pair of Timberland’s, and get ready for the hottest new reality show on TV.

P.S, don’t forget your sunscreen, Sunshine! We're going to Miami!

Melancholy

Listen closely.

The sound of rain falls gently on the windowpanes.

This window pains me.

I see you shamefully glancing through the reflection.

Still glancing through the melancholy memories.

To see is to believe and to believe is to conquer.

So much more than meets the eye.

I try to compromise your demise, but you fight harder than before.

I’m on the floor, but I pick myself up.

It’s enough to make me thank you for the tragedy you’ve embraced me with.

Without you I wouldn’t know there’s room to grow, there’s a chance for me to be.

I can see the difference that it makes to take your life and run with it.

You compel me to try. I justify all the lies.

When really it’s a pleasing rendition of the truth that I use in my own departure.

So smart, you’re the girl who knew what to say in the ways that she laid it all down before me.

My heart beats. It’s unique to the sound of yours.

I’m so sure.

That I love you.

Success

My mother is my best friend. She is my biggest influence. My mother is the reason that I feel it is okay to cry. She is the reason I refuse to give up on anything. My mother taught me how to love. She taught me how to fight. I have her laugh. I have her cheekbones. I have her heart.

My mother is the reason I followed my dreams back out here to Los Angeles. 

She grew up in Mississippi. When my mother was six weeks old, my grandmother was diagnosed with kidney cancer. It spread into her female organs, and become uncontrollable. Before she died, she underwent two surgeries. She knew going into them that they wouldn’t save her. They were entirely created to research the condition. My grandmother offered herself as an experiment to science. My grandfather didn’t want her to undergo the surgeries. He knew that she was in pain, and begged her not to do them. Her response was “Wilford. We know now that I’m going to die. This could save the life of one of our children one day.”

At eighteen months, my mother lost her mom. I think when I was younger, I took this for granted. I knew my mom grew up without a mother, but I didn’t think about how it might have affected her. I often wonder now if I would be who I am had my mother not been there. The answer is no.

My grandfather didn’t really know how to raise a young girl, and he worked full time to support the family. He also drove back and forth from Memphis to stay with my grandmother in the hospital so he wasn’t home a lot. My mother had two older brothers, both in high school, but they couldn’t raise a baby. She went to live with her grandmother and aunt at the beginning of her mother’s diagnosis.

They were poor. My mother used to tell me stories of waking up in the dead of winter, a blizzard falling outside. They had no heat, so she slept in a bed between her aunt and grandmother to keep warm. There were five or six blankets on the bed and most were pulled up to her chin. She would wake in the mornings with a blanket of snow on top of her. The wind had blown it through the cracks in the hardwood floor.

She would wiggle her body side to side until she broke free from the heavy layer, and then would sprint into the living room next to the fire. If she paused for a second, she could see the chickens huddled into a clan beneath the house. Everyone was trying to escape the gnarly fingers of winter’s grasp.

Before civil rights ever existed, my mother was out in the fields picking cotton too. As early as 4 years old, she would work from 6 A.M until noon, shoving handful after handful of cotton into a burlap sack. Around that time my grandfather remarried. After lunch time her step mother would let her lie down on the fifty pound sack of cotton she drug down the row behind her, and there my mother would take her mid-day nap.

Maybe you’ve noticed by now that I come from a long line of incredibly strong female influences.

My mother wore flour sacks to school. During that time, companies would print them with flower designs on them so that people could multi-purpose them. Her grandmother would make her clothes for her with that material. Kids were cruel even then. She began saving up her money in middle school so she could buy her own school clothes.

I’m an old soul. I was raised the way that my mother was raised. I was raised very simply. You have manners. You are polite. You are friendly. You work hard. You love harder.

I think that so many people in our generation are missing that… I feel like everyone in every generation is missing that. It’s funny because I have the heart of a small town girl, and I’m implanted into this unrealistic world of celebrities, power and artistry. I live a beautiful life, but I want to find a way to share that into the lives of others. I want our country to live up to the name it was given. The UNITED states of America. Let’s come together. Let’s be the land of opportunity. Let’s be the home of the brave. Let’s hold ourselves accountable for the things that we do and improve ourselves.

Do you appreciate who you are? Do you care where you came from?

You should.

You are beautiful. You are strong. You are important. Why not show that? Be who you want to be. Do what you want to do. All I ask, is that when you do that, you leave a positive message. Not for me, but for yourself.

I plan to have a very successful life. I don’t even mean that I will be rich, and wealthy… I mean that when I reflect back on my life years from now, I will be able to say “I did it, and I loved it.”

I will have fond memories, and have done everything I ever wanted. I will be successful. The only thing we have to do is humans is live… Why not have a life worth living? I don’t mean you all have to live my dreams, but create your own. What is important to you? What do you want to try? What would you like to change?

I’m feeling so inspired today. This morning I met Lee Merriweather (the original catwoman), Lou Gossett Jr. (Roots) and John Amos (Die Hard 2)..  I couldn’t believe how much talent I was surrounded by. Yesterday I met Sam Tremmel (True Blood) and Drake Bell (Drake and Josh). I’m living a fantasy, only it’s real. It’s my life. I don’t want to waste it. I want to make a difference. I want my mother to know that the days she spent picking cotton weren’t in vain.

My real father (we went five years without talking) said to me tonight, “You’re doing something with your life, and I want you to know that I’m proud of you.”

This is the same man who walked out on my mother while she was in labor.

He’s human. It took him time to grow, and time to learn. He had to figure out for himself what was important, and after 23 years, he has finally decided that I am. I don’t resent him for leaving. I don’t resent him for disowning me five years ago. I appreciate him for growing up and being man enough now to tell me that he is proud and he loves me.

And I love him.

I would like to have a relationship with my father. That to me is success. My mother is successful. She raised 35+ kids. She loved with all her heart. She raised me. She doesn't own a business. She doesn't have a lot of money, but my mother is successful. She has given me what it takes to pursue my dreams. 

We take what we have been given, and we try to improve on it. That is success. It doesn’t have a price tag. It has an effect.

I love you all. Truly. Thank you for being a part of this beautiful journey I call life.

Remember me,

Tennessee

Listen to the Beats of Their Hearts

Life is kicking in.

I am developing a routine. I know what I’m having for lunch virtually every day. I take the same streets to work in the mornings. I know that on Sundays I post for The Graduates Guide and study for my internship. I’m adjusting in my career, but also in my social life.

I’ve met so many cool new people lately. It’s been great.

One thing I have brought with me to L.A, is something Bug (my best friend in Columbia) graced me with. The ability to listen. The ability to open up my mind and connect with people just for the experience. Yes, I do a lot of networking out here because this industry is so large, but I also like meeting other people that I have virtually nothing in common with. On the other hand I have everything in common with them. They’re genuinely nice and interesting people.

Tonight I went for coffee with a new friend. I only met her this evening, but I call her a friend because I know we will hang out again. She’s cool and interesting. She talks about things that I know nothing about like law enforcement, Kung Fu, and playing piano. I on the other hand talk a lot about film, and writing, and the South. Somehow we entertained each other. It was nice at times to not be the one talking. To know that there are other people out there with interesting things to say. I’ve said it before. Everyone has a story. This Blog isn’t just about me. It’s about everyone and everything through my perspective. I feel almost inferior.

When I speak to someone, they share with me significant moments in their lives. Even if it’s about hobbies or work, etc. Everything they share is a time or moment that they lived through. It is a part of their emotional, physical and mental make up. What they say can tell you who they are and why they’re that way. I’ve also found you can learn the same thing from the silence. I’ve tried to listen carefully to who I am. I like knowing that I’m fine with sharing my inner thoughts, but also listening to those of someone else.

It inspires me. Not even necessarily in my career. I find other people to be intellectually stimulating. They make me think. I assess characters like most people do food menus. VERY CAREFULLY.

As I pulled into my apartment building tonight, a mother and her three kids who live below me were pulling up in their SUV. One of the kids had a book bag. The other was dribbling a ball. The third had his head somewhere else and sprinted a head of the group. A street vendor in front of our apartment blew an air horn. She walked up to him and bought dinner.  Today was the first day I’d seen him around our street, so now I’m curious what he serves. I couldn’t help to think though, how neat it was. He is selling her dinner. She has a life, a family and a career and lives 15 feet from me, yet I don’t know her at all.

There are millions of people on this planet with their own story. Ideally I’d love to hear them all, but I think I want to challenge myself. Maybe I’ll try to hear three new stories a week. Meet three new people. I feel like trying to push one a day is a little unrealistic. I don’t want it to be a chore. I just want to have interesting conversations. I want to see what it’s like in the day-to-day lives of other people.

Even now as I write, I’m lying on my bed listening to classical music. I like doing this sometimes… just to try something new…

What I found is I really like “Piano Sonato No. 14 in C-Sharp Minor (Moonlight)” by Beethoven. Even that tells a story to me. It sets a mood that I will relate to for the rest of my life. I will look back on the time I blogged about listening and hear this song. I’ll be at peace with my nerves, and just feel the existence of more out there.

I must admit, I owe a lot of it to Bug. Then again, isn’t that the point. Everything leads to something else that makes up the moments that are right now? I believe so.

Listen.

Hear.

Process.

Love.

Remember me,

I’m Tennessee.

Decisions

I’ve struggled.

I don’t just mean I tried, it was difficult and then I got in the swing of things. I mean that for the last two weeks, writing has been extremely difficult. I know it’s a combination of settling in to my new life, my busy schedule and my unhealthy obsession with voice competition shows.

Let me catch you up. Last night I went with a friend of mine to The Grove to watch a movie. We saw House on the Corner of the Street. While we were waiting in line for popcorn, I glanced over and saw someone I recognized.

Now mind you I’m in California where I know maybe a handful of people. It took a moment to sink in that I didn’t know the person I saw after all, but I had seen him before. Actually, some of you might recognize him as well. His name is Alex Newell and was one of Glee Projects Season 1 contenders. He is now on Glee as well.

I walked up to him to introduce myself. His friend turned around, and I realized it was Hannah from Glee Project Season 1 as well. I was simply beside myself.

I work in Hollywood. I meet celebrities. That is a part of everyday life here. However, I am a Glee fanatic. I love the show. I love the characters. I’m obsessed with its message, and I think that Ryan Murphy is a genius. I’m also a huge fan of writer Ali Adler, so when you wrap all of that up into a little package with a pretty bow and sit it in front of me on the counter at the concessions, I’m like a small child on Christmas.

I told them both what a fan I was, and we stood there for a few moments chatting. Alex said he loved the name “Tennessee” and asked if he could have it. Frankly with that voice he can go by whatever he likes, so I told him of course. They were both ridiculously sweet. We parted ways, and my friend and I continued on into our theatre. I couldn’t help but reflect on how lucky I am to be in a place with some many wonderful people. Creative people. Fantastic people.

Tonight I went out with my fellow interns. We had dinner at a neat little restaurant called City tavern in Culver City. It was a calm little place, but definitely the type of place I enjoy.

 After that, we met up at another restaurant for drinks with the rest of the group. That group included a host of ex-interns who have moved on into their first “real” jobs, or at least the job pointing them to their career. There had to have been close to 40 people there mingling and networking. What struck me was how creative and smart and funny they all were. It’s not that I haven’t met people like this before; In fact that describes my best friends. I just haven’t seen this many in one place. 

It’s so refreshing. I love this atmosphere. I love learning something new everyday. I love feeling like I’ve found where I belong. I worried that I wouldn’t connect with anyone or have any close friends, but the truth is I would hang out with any of them anytime.

Tomorrow I am working, then heading out to Westwood to gather with the interns at a social event. Again, I love this world we’re in. I love that over coffee everyone is talking about the latest project, or their futures. I love not being the only one that constantly has these ideas of “who, and what, and where” running through my mind. My friend Kingsley is going with me. It’s nice having someone out here that I knew prior to the move. It also helps that he is in the industry as well, because it gives me a partner in crime to experience life with.

I realized tonight why writing has been so difficult lately. It’s because it had become a chore. A task. I felt guilty that I hadn’t been working on my blog posts as often, so I would suffer through them with my mind racing a thousand ideas a minute. I was barely skimming the surface. I wasn’t putting my heart into it like I have in the past.

Here’s what I’ve got for you today…

We get one shot at life. I know you’ve heard me say that before, but I really can’t stress it enough. We are all put here on this earth for a reason. Life is calculated down to the second before we ever wake up in the mornings. I truly believe that. We have the ability to make our own decisions, and those decisions affect us in a positive or negative way depending on what it is. It’s up to us to guide our lives the way that we want them to go.

The smallest decisions are often the most surprising. I sent out a tweet. Nothing spectacular. Just a tweet expressing interest in a certain television show. Next thing I know, the producer tweeted me back. I then made another decision. I decided to ask if I could write a blog post about it. He approved. That’s two small decisions I made in my life. Let me tell you where they took me.

That same producer just happened to turn out to be an incredible guy. He has a good heart, and the best intentions. He suggested my internship, gave me a recommendation, and now here I am in California pursuing the dream that I’ve had for five years now. A career in film. This all happened because I decided to tweet something. Insane isn’t it?

Let’s go back even further. Let’s go back five years ago.

I was a freshman in college. I was reckless and wild. I had no sense of self and a chip on my shoulder the size of Texas. I was a creative writing major, but really college was just one big party. It was the first time I had been given any significant freedom and I ran with it.

A month or so into school I was hanging out on campus when the RD o my building asked me to come check out her film project. I wish I could say that I did it so I could learn something new or expose myself to something different, but the truth is my softball team captain was also a film major and I knew she would be there too. I had a severe crush on her, so I went.

When I arrived, my first instinct was to go talk to the crush. She was “straight” but flirtatious, so when she asked me to look over her project and tell her what I thought, I wanted to impress her. I watched the project. I remember it like it as yesterday. The assignment was to cut together a trailer for Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. I watched it carefully, but couldn’t help but get lost in the software. The fact that she had put this together. I completely forgot that I liked her, or that I thought she was attractive. All that I could think at that moment was “I want to do this.”

That decision… even if it was based on all the wrong reasons… inspired me to change my major. It inspired me to change my life. Through my decisions I have gotten to see things that my parents never saw. I have met people who have contributed to our history and culture in America and across the world. I have met people who contributed on a more personal scale, who have changed my life in ways I can’t even explain. The decision to attend Stephens was another of those that I remember vividly.

I applied to well over fifty schools. A large majority of them accepted me. I narrowed my search down to 7 based on their websites, mailings and my general instinct. From those seven I narrowed my search down to 3. After speaking to admissions counselors at all three, I began leaning towards one particularly. Stephens.

It was amazing. I loved it’s website. I loved the idea of a women’s college. Somewhere I could fit in. My mother and I went to visit, and met with the basketball coach. I fell in love the moment I sat foot onto campus. He offered me a scholarship, and I couldn’t have been happier. Until I saw the remainder of my tuition.

The only problem was that I was poor. Very poor. I didn’t have a college fund saved up. I didn’t even have a savings account in my name. Every dollar I worked for went towards my school clothes or gas money. I began to doubt whether or not college was even an option, especially a private school like Stephens.

I went online and researched the military. It was the only way I could think of to afford school. After reviewing all the branches, I decided that I was going into the Air Force. It was the most interesting branch to me. I loved the thought of being around aircrafts. I couldn’t fly one because I’m partially blind in one eye, but I still wanted to work with those who could. It was the best I could do, for doing something that I didn’t want.

My recruiter starting coming to my softball games. He would call me at least once a week. We had talked about the paper work multiple times, and I was nearly to the point of signing one Saturday at lunch. My mother asked me to wait. She hated the idea of me going into the Air Force and wanted me to think about it a little longer. I DECIDED to take a few days and sit on it.

Stephens called me that following Monday. They said that on top of their previous offer of basketball and academic scholarships, they could possibly offer me a softball scholarship as well. The only thing was I would have to come try out. When I told my mother, she was ecstatic. Even though that still meant her entire Social Security check every month would go towards my tuition, and I would still work two jobs on top of two sports and school, I knew that I had to give it a shot. I called my recruiter and told him I wasn’t ready to make that kind of decision, and my mother and I drove to Missouri.

Obviously if you’ve followed The Graduates Guide you know I attended Stephens College. It is one of he best decisions I’ve made to this day.

That’s why I encourage you to take chances, trust your instinct and follow your heart. You might wake up one day and realize that you were on the right path all along. Everything you have done up until this point got you to this moment right now. When you “decided” to read the graduates guide, it was just one more factor into the greater scheme of things.

This is your life. Live it.

Remember me.

I’m Tennessee

Here's to the "Beginning"

Last night I fell asleep at nine p.m.

I think this past week finally caught up with me. I know that it seems like I’ve not said much since I arrived in L.A, and the truth is I haven’t. I’ve been soaking it all in. It took me a while to get everything moved in, and cleaned up. It took even longer to figure out my own schedule.

Let me catch you up a little.

Monday through Thursday I drive twenty- forty minutes (depending on traffic) down to Culver City for my internship. I am working for a freelance production company on everything from general assistant skills, to casting work, etc. I can’t disclose the projects that we’re doing, but I can say that it’s been a week and I’ve already learned a lot.

Friday through Sunday I will be serving as the Assistant to a well known Stephens Alumn. My hours will vary, however I’m looking forward to making a little money on the side. It’s been so nice having my own place. I spent Friday cleaning, and then Saturday was laundry day. I’m starting to get in the hang of my own routine.

What’s great about this is, it’s the first time I have ever really had it. Even when I was in Columbia recently, there was a limit to my time there.  I knew I was there for six months, then had to figure out my next move.

President Dianne Lynch at Stephens College, said to me once. “Find where it is you want to be and the rest of it will come.” Looking out my window this morning, I feel like she was right. I love Los Angeles. Even the dirt and the smog. Yes, I might hate that some drivers are inconsiderate, and the traffic is horrible. I might hate that the homeless rate is ridiculous, and that it takes an hour (maybe more) to get from one side of the city to the other. What I love about it though is that at certain points on my drive home from my internship, I can see the Hollywood sign. I love how when I’m hungry and have no idea what I want there is literally a new option on every corner. I’ve tried at least three little hole in the wall restaurants now, and I have to admit they’re bomb. I love that I’m so close to the beach, and that on any given night, I can drive down Hollywood Boulevard, and watch the families of tourists as they squat with their hands in a cement block searching for a chance at similarity.

It’s insane. Most times it feels like just another town. One that I’m really enjoying adjusting to. Then occasionally, it hits me that this town is Los Angeles. City of Angels. Where dreams live or die.

I miss my family. The twins especially. I hate how much of their growing up I’ve missed. I know that I couldn’t benefit them any more by staying, which helps ease my mind. Sometimes I just wish I could open my front door, and hear them come running.

Peyton: “Casey! Tyler pulled a card today.”

Tyler: “Peyton, I got to put it baaaaaaack.”

I can hear it now. Their little voices bantering through the door disconnecting me from the rest of my apartment. I wish I could just open the door and let them in.

 I took last night to sort of refresh my self. I lit a few candles in my bedroom, stared at the trees outside, the wind blowing through my open window, and lay in my bed trying to connect to my inner thoughts. Week by week I’ll slowly get my together, together. I really feel like this is where I’m supposed to be.

I’m so glad you’re all here with me on this journey. It’s going to be a truly remarkable one.  

Remember Me…. 

I'm Tennessee.

Respect

It’s 2 a.m.

There are sirens outside my window. Occasionally, I hear the soft call down the street from a voice in the distance. It’s strange. I definitely feel foreign. The difference is this time, I’m not struggling to fit in. I don’t want to be these people. That would be fake.

Instead I have found myself writing my own story. I’m the main character, and all around me life plays out. I am that small town girl, living in L.A, genuinely enjoying her life. The best part is I’m doing it my way. I’m not negotiating my character or morale.

When I arrived into L.A I did a number of things. I met up with friends downtown for a birthday celebration. I went to the beach another day. Yesterday I was at the Los Angeles Country Club. Last night I met up with my friend Kingsley, (some of you probably know him from YouTube, and if you don’t, look him up. He’s hysterical). We joined two of his other friends in West Hollywood, and if you know nothing about L.A, West Hollywood is the “gay area”. Street to street. Wall to wall. GAY.

There are guy bars, and girl bars. Mixed bars. Bars for over thirty. Bars 18 and up (not for drinking). It has a little something for everyone to just go out and have a good time. We went to boy bars (since I was with three ridiculously good looking gay men.

 Have no fear. Regardless of the fact that I was at a boy gay bar, I still got hit on. Twice… Well, two and a half times I think. What I found very quickly is I won’t be dating in Los Angeles. The first girl, while nice was just absolutely not my type. When she had to ask if I was gay, I was a little thrown off. I forgot that not everyone here is. A lot of straight women attend these bars with there boys, and here I was fluttering like a fruit fly. I thanked her, and continued dancing.

I finally agreed to dance with someone, but that was short lived. After thirty seconds, she tried to kiss me, and to be frank “I’m not that girl”. I backed away, grabbed my friend Matt and fled the scene.

The “half” time occurred as we were walking back to pick up my car from valet. I was walking down the sidewalk attempting to instagram a photo when out of nowhere I felt someone grab my crotch. I’m really not sure why she did it, or if that was her attempt to make a pass but the girl whose hand just invaded my space was walking in the other direction, and kept right on going.

I was shocked, livid, appalled, etc…

Why does L.A seem so much more fast paced, even in it’s night life? Why does everything have to be zero to sixty? It’s a bar. I came to dance. Not be mauled by feline predators. What happened to chivalry? Yes. I said it. It applies to you too ladies. In my first week in L.A I need to tell you that my biggest concern is that we’ve lost respect for ourselves and each other. One of the best things about being a woman and dating women is that in a lot of ways we understand each other in an unspoken manner.

Deep down, were all looking for the same thing whether we want to admit it or not. We’re looking for genuine conversation. We’re looking for someone to eat the color of Skittles that aren’t our favorites. Someone who holds our hand for no reason, when she whispers in your ear that you’re beautiful… And means it. We’re looking for someone who “wants” us, but also respects us.

Some girls like the “bad girl” thing… But is that ever going to work long term? Eventually you’ll get tired of being ignored, or treated like shit. You’ll begin to resent the other person, and watch what once was “good” fall to hell simply because you pretended to be something you weren’t or want something you didn’t.

Be honest… With yourself, and those around you. That’s the only way you’ll find contentment.

 Start my new internship tomorrow. I’ll let you know how it goes!

Remember me,

I’m Tennessee

Finding the Words Behind Los Angeles

It’s that time.

Tomorrow I secure everything I own in the back seat of my car, and I hit the highway.

I’ve been planning for two months. Really I’ve waited for this my entire life. Everyone has a dream when they’re a child. Obviously mine wasn’t to be a writer in Los Angeles at age seven, however it was to be great. I wanted to change the world.

I wasn’t even sure what that meant. To be honest I’m still not sure.

My mother told me everyday that I was special. She told me that I was great, and would do big things. I really couldn’t tell you if that was true at the time, but when you’re told something every day of your life it eventually sticks.

When I was in the fourth grade I entered a poetry contest. Everyone in the fourth and fifth grades were required to enter. To be honest, I can’t remember the name of the poem, however I do remember some of the content. The poem was about people who were different. It was about treating everyone the same, because we’re all human.

One line stated, “I can run really fast, and I can jump really high… But my shoes aren’t brand name so you won’t let me try.”

I didn’t come from a wealthy family, so I was often overlooked. I was denied equality based on my social status and family’s income. At age nine, not only did I recognize inequality, but I wanted to change it. Another line was about being a brunette in a group of blondes. Later in the poem I reversed it to be a blonde in the midst of brunettes. And took a sinner in the presence of saints, to a saint among sinners. The truth is, someone is always the minority. It just depends on whose perspective you look from.

I saw that then. I realized that we were all equal, and it wasn’t fair to discriminate. Maybe that’s why I’m so passionate now. It has always been my fight.

I came in second place, and won a $25 gift card. A fifth grader who wrote a poem about fishing won. Actually it was about telling a lie about how big the fish was. Don’t ask me how I remember all this. I guess there are just a few significant moments in my life that I will always remember.

I knew then I wanted to be a writer. Of course at that time I also wanted to be a scientist, a professional basketball player, and a member of TLC. I am terrible at math and science, I am 5’5 and un-coordinated and can’t sing or dance for hell, but I still want to write. I make an effort to write something almost everyday.

It’s not even just that I want to write. I want to write something significant. I want to write for the greater good of humanity. I want my words to help change the world. I know that I’ve got something important to say.

It took me until two months ago to decide that’s what I wanted to do for a living. It’s funny, because I’ve had people tell me most of my life that I am a good (sometimes even great) writer. That I have an interesting perspective, or original tone. People tell me that my words and thoughts feel like their own. I’m relatable. Despite all of that encouragement, I never felt good enough. I was afraid. I thought that I “couldn’t do it.” It took me sitting down with the President of Stephens College, and a half-assed Power Point of all of my likes and dislikes, before I ever really considered it.

I had four different types of writing I enjoyed on the Power Point, but for some reason I still couldn’t see it as the obvious answer. I still considered it to be a hobby. She made it very clear.

“Something on this page keeps popping up.”

“Writing.”

“Yes. Do you love it?”

“Yes.”

“Is it your passion?”

“Yes.”

“Then go for it.”

A lot more went into that conversation. A lot of thought. A lot of tears. A lot of worry, and anxiety. A lot of prayer… But I made up my mind.

Tomorrow, hobby or not… I’ll go for it. If it’s a hobby, I’ll find out the hard way.

But I’ll have a beautiful story to share with my grandkids (in place of Christmas presents, because clearly I’ll be broke). The story about the time that grandma moved to Los Angeles with nothing but a few boxes, an air mattress and a dream. I’m taking a chance. I’m giving life and happiness a fair shot. If you need me, you’ll find me on the beach with a peanut butter sandwich and a lap-top.

I couldn’t have done it alone. I’ve had a number of people supporting this dream along the way. I’ve even had a few try to tear it down. I thank them as well. It only fuels my flame.

Here’s what I propose.

If you’re looking for some entertainment. In the mood for a story. Or if you’re just bored…

Go on this journey with me. I’ll be tweeting from @TennesseeMartin and Instagraming under TennesseeMartin. I’ll also be blogging each Sunday still on The Graduates Guide.

Meet my friends (you might know a few of them). Experience Los Angeles. Watch the rise and fall of my everyday life in the film industry, and probably a sunset or two. This is my open invitation to you to come and check it out. Also, don’t be shy. Ask questions. Make requests. Every time you engage with me, it’s one more thought or idea I might not have come up with on my own. Let’s live a little.

Tonight I’ll be spending the afternoon with my step mom and co. in Savannah, Tennessee. Tomorrow I will wake up at 5 a.m and hit the road. I’ll be honest. I’m nervous. In the last few days a lot in my life has changed, and with that I thought I’d change my mentality. I also changed my route (or at least the people who are on it.)

I’ll be going through Dallas, TX first. I’ve been there once, years ago. I have a good friend there, who dances, so I’m grabbing lunch, watching a rehearsal and spending a few hours catching up. It’s been a really long time since I’ve seen her.

I’m not sure yet if I’m staying in Dallas or a few hours away, but from there I am heading to Vegas.

In Vegas I will meet one of my Twitter followers. We have been friends since last January, and I’m looking forward to meeting a fresh face. Unfortunately I will have driven approximately 18 hours by that point so we won’t be going out on the town, however we are getting breakfast the following morning before the rest of my trip.

Those last few hours will be tough. I can already feel the nerves. I’m excited. I’ll be meeting my new roommate for the first time. Unpacking what few items that I have stowed away in my car. I have an air mattress, a guitar I can’t play and a heart that I’m trying to piece back together.

I’m most excited to see my friends. The ones who have supported me from afar. On the 12^th, my plans are still up in the air. The 13^th my friend is having her birthday celebration. The 14^th I’m gathering a few good people together to head down to the beach (I’ve really missed it. The 15^th I will be at the Los Angeles Country Club on Wilshire for an event with some very incredible Stephens Alumnae. The 16^th I will begin my internship… I’m nervous, but I know I can do it.

Following that, I have no clue how life will go from here. What I do know is that it’s not up to me. I won’t even attempt to make a plan, because I know that will interfere with the one God has in store for me. I plan to just approach life with an open mind every day, and appreciate the little moments that he allows me to experience. The good and the bad. I’ll learn from them all.

I’ve gotten this far. I can do anything. All I have to do is pray about it. He will give me the power if it is in his will.

Also, if you have followed me on Twitter lately, you know that I am working on a new project with another writer. Her name is Rae. You probably know her as My Silent Half. Together we are creating a project called WomanKind. It’s a social experiment compiled by 8 female writers. We will be releasing more details regarding this project over the next few weeks, so keep it in the back of your mind. You’ll be hearing about it later.

Finally… The time has come. 5 a.m will come very quickly. Remember. Twitter. Instagram. I’ll be posting!

This is my story. This is my life. This… Is The Graduates Guide.

Remember me,

I’m Tennessee.