I was eighteen the first time that I was sucker punched by life. It was the summer before I left for
college, and I had moved out on my own. My stepbrother owned a small house near
a graveyard a few miles from my parents, so I moved in the remainder of things
that I owned, and tucked all of my new dorm items into a corner… waiting for
the moment that life would be better. The moment I could escape it all.
My stepbrother rarely came home.
Instead, he slept sitting upright in a recliner at my parent’s house. He never
did like to be alone. Myself on the other hand, it’s all I ever wanted.
I had only a few weeks before I
packed everything into my Xterra and drove off into the show-me state sunset.
That’s why I answered the night that my ex-girlfriend called. It was the first
time we had spoken in a year.
Her father found out that we were
dating when we were sixteen years old. He threatened to kill me, and called my
parents house at six am cursing me to hell. Finally, my mother placed a
restraining order against him, but I never got over her. Eventually, trying to sneak around to see each other and speak to each other became too difficult. She fell in love with a mutual friend, and I was no longer a part of the equation.
She wanted to see me. I wanted to
see her. So I called my best friend to come over and be my cover up for the
evening. We would put my friends car in the front, hide my ex’s car in the
back, and the three of us would hang out and catch up over all the things that
two years found itself filled with. The evening started off simply enough, but
then the bottle of Bacardi Zombie came out. Two eighteen year olds and a
seventeen year old passed around the gallon of liquor and before we knew it, we
were all lit.
The two of them had always had
chemistry. Years prior, my “too adult” sixteen year old self thought that it
would be fun for the three of us to make out together. What it really created
was an immeasurable amount of jealousy on my part. That’s actually how her
father found out to begin with. We were all sitting in the jacuzzi when he
turned the corner to find the two of them making out as I watched with
discomfort. Combine that history with an unhealthy amount of alcohol, and we
were reliving my worst nightmare.
My ex insisted on sleeping in the
middle. Next thing I knew they were cuddling. I stood up angrily, slurring
something about how things never changed and went to the other room to be by
myself. What I didn’t realize was that in just a few hours everything would
change.
Sometime through the middle of the
night I made my way back to the bed. I had work at seven am, and still needed
to get some decent sleep. Around five-thirty my best friends phone rang. It was
her father. He wanted to speak to me.
My stomach sank. Did he know that
we drank the night before? Why did he want to speak to me?
When I got on the phone his voice
was shaking. “I need you to bring her home. Now. We will get her truck later.”
“Ok. Everything alright?” I already
knew the answer was no.
“It’s her mom. She shot herself last
night. Don’t tell her anything yet, just get here.”
The sucker punch of life. How does
an eighteen year old take on that much responsibility?
“We have to go.” I told her. “Your
dad said leave your car. He will get it later.”
“What’s wrong?” She could read it on my face. “Fucking tell me.”
“I’m sorry. Your dad will talk to
you when you get home.” My ex looked at me with concern, but subtle
understanding.
“Just go home, and he will explain
it all.” She tried to encourage, despite the fact she was still slurring her
words.
I managed to get her in the car
through her tears. The next ten minutes were the slowest of my life. With each
turn down that long dark gravel road, I felt like I was approaching the end of
whatever life I had known.
When we arrived, her father was
scrubbing blood and meat off of the wall. Her mother had turned a shotgun
around on herself, and blew a hole through her stomach. She wasn’t happy with
her life, or her marriage. She couldn’t find any other way to deal with it.
I watched my best friend hit her
knees as her father told her what had happened. My mind went into auto-pilot. Her
father asked me to leave so they could get to the hospital. I got into my car
and began driving to work.
Life doesn’t stop just because you
want it to. It doesn’t get easier just because things have been tough. When I
thought that things couldn’t get any worse, my phone rang. It was my ex. She
was still drunk when she left my house, and in light of the morning’s turmoil
she wasn’t paying attention to the road. She drove her car up an embankment and
into my grandparents pig-pen.
She was ok, but my grandparents
came off the hill to check on whoever had wrecked beside their house. My
grandmother recognized her, but my ex lied about her name. My grandfather could
smell the alcohol on her breath, and saw the remaining Zombie in the back seat.
For whatever reason, when her friend showed up he allowed him to take the
alcohol out of the car in case the police arrived.
When they were certain that she was
alright, my grandparents let her call a tow truck to carry her car to the
county line. She would then call another truck to take it home, terrified of
what her father would say if he found out where she had been.
He never found out. She and I spoke
a few more times over the years, but for the most part we were done. My friends
mother survived. She even remarried later on. Our friendship dwindled after
that. I went off to college, and my friend joined the military. She met a
wonderful young woman who I am convinced she will marry. Seven years later, and
I still think back to that morning. It still makes my heart sink, and turns my
stomach.
I am still terrified of what life
is capable of… Because when you’re not looking – and not careful – life can
throw punches whose blow you may or may not be able to withstand. Fortunately,
the outcome was better than worse. I feel stronger because of what I have
endured, but I still question if I could ever endure anything similar again.
You face what you have to when it
comes. It will be hard as hell. Life isn’t always easy, but we will always
survive. We have no other choice. Don’t take this life for granted. It is far
too important to waste on stupid fights, drunken nights, and reckless mistakes.
Pray for the best, but stay prepared for anything. You never know what right
hook is waiting for you.